1 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,968 Starchy: Welcome back to "graveyard shift." 2 00:00:10,970 --> 00:00:12,670 I'm your host -- Starchy. 3 00:00:12,672 --> 00:00:14,639 You know what today is, everybody? 4 00:00:14,641 --> 00:00:16,474 It's our fifth-anniversary show. 5 00:00:16,476 --> 00:00:18,809 So many things have happened in that time. 6 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,578 I switched from drinking rainwater 7 00:00:20,580 --> 00:00:22,313 to eating distilled ice chips. 8 00:00:22,315 --> 00:00:23,814 I took up rock climbing. 9 00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:24,849 My wife left me. 10 00:00:24,851 --> 00:00:26,951 And all-new conspiracies. 11 00:00:26,953 --> 00:00:28,653 I firmly believe 12 00:00:28,655 --> 00:00:31,789 that all chocolate has been secretly replaced by mud. 13 00:00:31,791 --> 00:00:35,960 And why is the burrito man giving away free burritos? 14 00:00:35,962 --> 00:00:37,428 He's an amateur mad scientist 15 00:00:37,430 --> 00:00:39,430 trying to genetically change us into tortillas. 16 00:00:39,432 --> 00:00:41,198 Mm. Dude, come on. 17 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,968 When was the last time you sharpened your pencils? Hm? 18 00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:47,772 Never. They're pens painted to look like pencils. 19 00:00:47,774 --> 00:00:48,639 Conspiracy! 20 00:00:48,641 --> 00:00:50,541 Okay, the board is lighting up. 21 00:00:50,543 --> 00:00:51,842 We're going to a caller. 22 00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:53,878 You are on the air, caller. 23 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,012 I'm a banana guard. 24 00:00:55,014 --> 00:00:56,380 Oh. That's a good job to have. 25 00:00:56,382 --> 00:00:57,982 Yeah, it's pretty good. 26 00:00:57,984 --> 00:01:00,384 Why do they have it tuned to this every time we're here? 27 00:01:00,386 --> 00:01:01,819 I call baloney! 28 00:01:01,821 --> 00:01:04,055 Shh! I'm trying to listen to the frightened caller. 29 00:01:04,057 --> 00:01:08,159 So, I think I might have seen something not from this world. 30 00:01:08,161 --> 00:01:09,460 Go ahead, caller. 31 00:01:09,462 --> 00:01:10,695 It happened last Sunday. 32 00:01:10,697 --> 00:01:12,697 I was doing my laundry at the mat, 33 00:01:12,699 --> 00:01:16,233 when I saw a reflection of a girl with eerie blank eyes! 34 00:01:16,235 --> 00:01:19,904 I turned around, but nobody was there. 35 00:01:19,906 --> 00:01:21,472 It was scary. 36 00:01:21,474 --> 00:01:24,742 Yeah, weird girls with soulless blank eyes -- 37 00:01:24,744 --> 00:01:27,244 they've been spotted around multiple kingdoms 38 00:01:27,246 --> 00:01:28,412 across the centuries. 39 00:01:28,414 --> 00:01:30,581 Nobody knows what they are. 40 00:01:30,583 --> 00:01:32,349 -But I have a few theories. -[ Growls ] 41 00:01:32,351 --> 00:01:34,985 They're ghosts, and the last thing they looked at in life 42 00:01:34,987 --> 00:01:38,222 was so horrific, it made their eyes turn blank. 43 00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:40,057 Pbbbbbht! Baloney! 44 00:01:40,059 --> 00:01:41,192 The pizza. 45 00:01:41,194 --> 00:01:43,260 Pbbbbbbbbbbbbht! 46 00:01:43,262 --> 00:01:44,428 Take the rest to go. 47 00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:46,097 My second theory... 48 00:01:46,099 --> 00:01:48,332 Okay, all boxed up and ready to go. 49 00:01:48,334 --> 00:01:49,934 200 bucks. 50 00:01:49,936 --> 00:01:52,870 ...by other blank-eyed girls touching their eyeballs. 51 00:01:52,872 --> 00:01:54,271 Blblblblbl! Spooky! 52 00:01:54,273 --> 00:01:55,673 Ooh, look at me! 53 00:01:55,675 --> 00:01:58,008 I'm listening to a dumb nonsense radio show! 54 00:01:58,010 --> 00:01:59,276 How can you be so dismissive 55 00:01:59,278 --> 00:02:00,611 after some of the stuff we've seen? 56 00:02:00,613 --> 00:02:02,279 You got to draw the line somewhere. 57 00:02:02,281 --> 00:02:03,280 Starchy's my line. 58 00:02:03,282 --> 00:02:04,849 They're walking fish 59 00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:07,051 that just happen to look like little girls. 60 00:02:07,053 --> 00:02:08,052 Baloney! 61 00:02:08,054 --> 00:02:09,854 Don't touch my radio! 62 00:02:12,224 --> 00:02:13,958 It's dark. 63 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,294 You're sure that blank-eyed girls are made up, right? 64 00:02:17,296 --> 00:02:18,929 Yeah, man, it's all baloney. 65 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,197 [ Owl hoots ] 66 00:02:20,199 --> 00:02:21,265 [ Shudders ] 67 00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:22,967 [ Chuckles ] 68 00:02:22,969 --> 00:02:24,368 Jake? 69 00:02:26,238 --> 00:02:27,705 Jake? 70 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,041 Uh... 71 00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:32,643 Blank-eyed girl? 72 00:02:32,645 --> 00:02:34,211 Boo! [ High-pitched ] Aaaaaah! 73 00:02:34,213 --> 00:02:35,446 [ Laughs ] 74 00:02:35,448 --> 00:02:38,149 [ Both laugh ] 75 00:02:38,151 --> 00:02:39,884 Boo! 76 00:02:39,886 --> 00:02:41,152 [ Both sigh ] 77 00:02:41,154 --> 00:02:43,154 [ Twigs snapping ] 78 00:02:43,156 --> 00:02:45,890 [ Both chuckling nervously ] 79 00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,326 [ Snapping continues ] 80 00:02:49,328 --> 00:02:50,961 Both: Is this creeping you out? 81 00:02:50,963 --> 00:02:52,663 [ Both laugh ] 82 00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:55,566 [ Owl hoots ] 83 00:02:55,568 --> 00:02:56,801 [ Snapping continues ] 84 00:02:56,803 --> 00:02:57,835 Aah! Aah! 85 00:02:57,837 --> 00:02:59,336 Can I hold your hand? Can I hold your hand? 86 00:02:59,338 --> 00:03:01,305 Yes. Yes. [ Leaves rustle ] 87 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,308 [ Both gasp ] 88 00:03:04,310 --> 00:03:06,911 [ Both panting ] 89 00:03:08,747 --> 00:03:11,015 Aaah! 90 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,285 [ Both laughing ] 91 00:03:14,287 --> 00:03:16,020 That was stupid. 92 00:03:16,022 --> 00:03:17,021 Yeah -- stupid. 93 00:03:17,023 --> 00:03:18,255 [ Scratching ] 94 00:03:18,257 --> 00:03:19,857 [ Both gasp ] 95 00:03:19,859 --> 00:03:20,925 Are you messing with me? 96 00:03:20,927 --> 00:03:22,860 Unh-unh. You're messing with me. 97 00:03:22,862 --> 00:03:23,994 [ Scratching ] 98 00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,529 Must be someone else. 99 00:03:25,531 --> 00:03:27,832 Yeah, like...Ice King, maybe. 100 00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:32,436 Aaah! Aaah! 101 00:03:33,438 --> 00:03:34,438 Who was that? 102 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:35,840 Maybe it was nobody. 103 00:03:37,609 --> 00:03:39,176 Courage, courage. 104 00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:40,611 What's wrong with me? 105 00:03:40,613 --> 00:03:43,047 That could be a normal little girl who needs help. 106 00:03:43,049 --> 00:03:45,416 [ Shuddering ] No! 107 00:03:46,318 --> 00:03:47,351 Aaah! Aaah! 108 00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,386 There! Blank-eyed girl! 109 00:03:49,388 --> 00:03:52,623 [ Both screaming ] 110 00:03:54,226 --> 00:03:55,559 She's too creepy, man! 111 00:03:55,561 --> 00:03:57,494 I know! I know! 112 00:03:57,496 --> 00:03:59,063 But I got an idea. 113 00:03:59,065 --> 00:04:00,564 Welcome, next caller. 114 00:04:00,566 --> 00:04:02,066 Finn: Hello, Starchy? Am I on? 115 00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:03,400 Yeah, you're on. 116 00:04:03,402 --> 00:04:05,069 Longtime listener, first-time caller. 117 00:04:05,071 --> 00:04:08,072 We got the wonderful Finn the human on the phone. 118 00:04:08,074 --> 00:04:09,573 Go ahead, Finn. 119 00:04:09,575 --> 00:04:12,543 Starchy, I'm in a blank-eyed girl situation right now. 120 00:04:12,545 --> 00:04:13,878 What should I do? 121 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,713 I'm going upstairs to get a better look. 122 00:04:15,715 --> 00:04:18,682 All right, stay calm. You called the right guy. 123 00:04:18,684 --> 00:04:20,918 The question is, why did she choose you? 124 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,254 Are these visits random events? 125 00:04:23,256 --> 00:04:24,822 [ Gasps ] 126 00:04:26,524 --> 00:04:28,259 [ Whimpers ] 127 00:04:28,261 --> 00:04:29,426 Jake. Aaah! 128 00:04:30,262 --> 00:04:34,164 Finn, have you invited the blank-eyed girl inside? 129 00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:35,666 No. Why? 130 00:04:35,668 --> 00:04:38,535 Because I believe the girls have to follow vampire rules. 131 00:04:38,537 --> 00:04:40,938 As long as you don't invite her in, you should be fine. 132 00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:43,607 Okay. Let me write this down. 133 00:04:43,609 --> 00:04:44,842 Oop. 134 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,782 Starchy? She invited herself in. 135 00:04:51,784 --> 00:04:53,651 Uh...Run. 136 00:04:57,289 --> 00:04:59,757 Starchy, she's staring right at us! 137 00:04:59,759 --> 00:05:02,559 Oh! I got it -- fairy rules. 138 00:05:02,561 --> 00:05:04,962 Try offering her some cream in saucer. 139 00:05:04,964 --> 00:05:07,398 That should appease the blank-eyed girl's hunger 140 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:08,465 and send her away. 141 00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:09,633 Gotcha. 142 00:05:09,635 --> 00:05:10,935 [ Inhales sharply ] 143 00:05:10,937 --> 00:05:12,770 -Jake, go get the cream. -What?! 144 00:05:12,772 --> 00:05:15,205 No! You go! This is your deal! 145 00:05:15,207 --> 00:05:16,807 Just go! 146 00:05:16,809 --> 00:05:18,309 Okay! Geez! 147 00:05:18,311 --> 00:05:20,277 Thank you. 148 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,113 [ Hair rustling ] 149 00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,984 Okay -- cream. 150 00:05:34,092 --> 00:05:35,826 Euggggghh. 151 00:05:36,561 --> 00:05:38,329 [ Bowl shatters ] Aaah! 152 00:05:38,331 --> 00:05:40,331 -Ewww! -Starchy? 153 00:05:40,333 --> 00:05:42,166 Mm. Didn't work, huh? 154 00:05:42,168 --> 00:05:43,567 Must be a haint, then. 155 00:05:43,569 --> 00:05:47,538 Try playing the clarinet. Haints hate the clarinet. 156 00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:49,807 [ Groans ] 157 00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:53,644 [ Clarinet playing ] 158 00:05:54,679 --> 00:05:56,513 I think it's working! Keep playing! 159 00:05:56,515 --> 00:05:58,749 [ Clarinet continues ] 160 00:06:01,252 --> 00:06:03,020 Uh... 161 00:06:07,459 --> 00:06:09,760 [ Breathing heavily ] 162 00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,200 Jake, stop! 163 00:06:16,202 --> 00:06:17,701 [ Music stops ] 164 00:06:17,703 --> 00:06:19,503 Starchy, I think they like the clarinet music! 165 00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:20,604 Also, there's six of them now! 166 00:06:20,606 --> 00:06:22,206 Jeepers! Really? 167 00:06:22,208 --> 00:06:23,874 Uh...O-okay. 168 00:06:23,876 --> 00:06:26,143 Now I definitely know what you're dealing with -- 169 00:06:26,145 --> 00:06:27,378 an undead. 170 00:06:27,380 --> 00:06:30,981 The undead fear the gaze of the common yard chicken. 171 00:06:30,983 --> 00:06:32,883 Our chicken ran away, though. 172 00:06:32,885 --> 00:06:34,952 [ Growls ] 173 00:06:36,621 --> 00:06:38,489 Are you sure we need the feathers? 174 00:06:38,491 --> 00:06:40,024 My chicken's pretty spot-on. 175 00:06:40,026 --> 00:06:42,226 We don't want to take any chances, you know? 176 00:06:42,228 --> 00:06:43,360 Hm. 177 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,695 Hey! 178 00:06:46,898 --> 00:06:48,565 [ Bawks ] 179 00:06:50,502 --> 00:06:53,170 All this advice is just made-up baloney! 180 00:06:53,172 --> 00:06:56,073 Starchy, all your advice is made-up baloney! 181 00:06:56,075 --> 00:06:57,374 Aww. 182 00:06:57,376 --> 00:07:00,711 Well, what are we supposed to do? Just live with this? 183 00:07:01,413 --> 00:07:03,580 No more relying on hearsay. 184 00:07:03,582 --> 00:07:05,616 We're gonna take it to the source. 185 00:07:07,318 --> 00:07:09,286 Secondary source. 186 00:07:12,757 --> 00:07:16,393 Girl stuff, boy stuff, ear stuff, butt stuff. 187 00:07:16,395 --> 00:07:18,228 Hey! Creepy stuff! 188 00:07:19,097 --> 00:07:20,531 [ Both grunt ] 189 00:07:20,533 --> 00:07:21,598 Got it. 190 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,000 Aah! Aah! 191 00:07:23,002 --> 00:07:24,435 Shh. 192 00:07:24,437 --> 00:07:26,670 Library's closed. 193 00:07:26,672 --> 00:07:28,105 Turtle princess! 194 00:07:28,107 --> 00:07:29,273 Did you dye your hair? 195 00:07:29,275 --> 00:07:31,275 Oh, yeah, I did. 196 00:07:31,277 --> 00:07:32,776 Do you like it? 197 00:07:32,778 --> 00:07:34,511 Yeah -- hotness. 198 00:07:34,513 --> 00:07:37,681 Say, do you know anything about creepy blank-eyed girls? 199 00:07:37,683 --> 00:07:40,250 No, but I can find out. 200 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:43,520 "Creepy blank-eyed girls." 201 00:07:43,522 --> 00:07:44,688 Oh! 202 00:07:44,690 --> 00:07:46,590 Says here they're an urban legend 203 00:07:46,592 --> 00:07:48,692 that first appeared five years ago. 204 00:07:48,694 --> 00:07:51,128 -They're supposedly... -Wait -- five years ago? 205 00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:53,564 That's -- that's just like Starchy's radio show. 206 00:07:53,566 --> 00:07:54,898 [ Gasps deeply ] 207 00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:55,966 Maybe they're tulpas! 208 00:07:55,968 --> 00:07:57,601 What the blob is a tulpa? 209 00:07:57,603 --> 00:08:00,537 Physical manifestations of concentrated collective thought. 210 00:08:00,539 --> 00:08:02,272 They're entities who depend on the energy 211 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,575 of people believing in them in order to exist -- 212 00:08:04,577 --> 00:08:06,443 people like Starchy's listeners. 213 00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:07,945 Okay. 214 00:08:07,947 --> 00:08:10,147 And where did you learn all this blobbity-Bob? 215 00:08:10,149 --> 00:08:11,815 Starchy's radio show. 216 00:08:11,817 --> 00:08:13,717 I think I know what we need to do. 217 00:08:13,719 --> 00:08:15,419 Thanks turtle p. 218 00:08:15,421 --> 00:08:16,487 [ Grunts ] 219 00:08:16,489 --> 00:08:18,822 [ Muffled ] Any time, finny. 220 00:08:18,824 --> 00:08:21,158 Why don't we call, like, child services? 221 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,292 Or an exterminator? 222 00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,895 This is gonna work. Just trust me, a'ight? 223 00:08:24,897 --> 00:08:25,996 Ugh. 224 00:08:27,332 --> 00:08:29,066 Do as I do. 225 00:08:30,235 --> 00:08:31,635 [ All exhale ] 226 00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,237 [ Inhales deeply ] 227 00:08:33,239 --> 00:08:34,972 Boy, I just love walking through 228 00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,807 our delightfully not-creepy doorway. 229 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:39,009 -Don't you, Jake? -Uh-huh, uh-huh. 230 00:08:39,011 --> 00:08:40,310 Aaaaaaaah! 231 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:42,479 Walking through the not-creepy air 232 00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:45,349 to my not-creepy couch, sitting on my not-creepy butt. 233 00:08:45,351 --> 00:08:48,352 [ Chuckles ] Your butt is kinda creepy. 234 00:08:48,354 --> 00:08:51,121 I say "creepy" is just another label we use 235 00:08:51,123 --> 00:08:53,257 to distance ourselves from stuff we don't understand -- 236 00:08:53,259 --> 00:08:55,159 [ gasping ] Or that reminds us of something in ourselves 237 00:08:55,161 --> 00:08:57,027 [ gasping ] That we're not comfortable with. 238 00:08:57,029 --> 00:08:58,295 Hm. 239 00:08:58,297 --> 00:09:00,697 I mean, it just ain't an actual thing, you know? 240 00:09:00,699 --> 00:09:02,432 Unless you choose to believe it. 241 00:09:02,434 --> 00:09:03,433 Right, Jake? 242 00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:04,968 [ Sighs shakily ] 243 00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:08,005 It's baloney! It's baloney! It's Starchy's baloney! 244 00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:10,440 I just got to think of something wholesome. 245 00:09:12,277 --> 00:09:14,044 [ Speaks korean] 246 00:09:14,046 --> 00:09:15,245 Aaah! 247 00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:18,282 Aaaah! 248 00:09:19,484 --> 00:09:21,552 [ Breathing heavily ] 249 00:09:21,554 --> 00:09:23,654 NOoooo!! 250 00:09:23,656 --> 00:09:25,522 Pizza's creepy now! 251 00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:27,558 [ Crying ] 252 00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:28,892 You win, all right?! 253 00:09:28,894 --> 00:09:30,294 You're mad-creepy! 254 00:09:30,296 --> 00:09:33,363 Do what you will, you globless blank-eyed girls! 255 00:09:37,569 --> 00:09:38,669 Uh... 256 00:09:38,671 --> 00:09:40,237 [ High-pitched ] What? 257 00:09:44,008 --> 00:09:45,576 What the butt fuzz?! 258 00:09:45,578 --> 00:09:48,512 Contact lenses?! 259 00:09:48,514 --> 00:09:50,314 Ha! Baloney. 260 00:09:50,316 --> 00:09:53,750 Nothing but some kids playing a dumb prank! 261 00:09:55,987 --> 00:09:58,755 Man. This whole time, they were just regular girls. 262 00:09:58,757 --> 00:10:00,324 Where are your parents, huh? 263 00:10:00,326 --> 00:10:03,827 You guys are going to jail! You hear? 264 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,667 So, y'all are bald. 265 00:10:10,669 --> 00:10:11,768 Good job. 266 00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,737 I'm still calling the cops. 267 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:16,273 [ Squeaking ] 268 00:10:30,588 --> 00:10:32,923 [ Both whimpering ] 269 00:10:43,034 --> 00:10:46,303 What the junk was that? 270 00:10:46,305 --> 00:10:47,704 I think it was... 271 00:10:47,706 --> 00:10:49,840 Beautiful. 272 00:10:54,212 --> 00:10:58,548 Come along with me 273 00:10:58,550 --> 00:11:02,519 and the butterflies and bees