WEBVTT

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WANDA: Previously on WandaVision...

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The town show fundraiser
is the most important event of the season

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and I want us to fit in.

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I don't know what I'm doing here.

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-I'm Wanda.
-Geraldine.

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MAN: (THROUGH RADIO)
Wanda, can you read me?

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WANDA: Something strange
happened with Dottie.

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Well, something strange happened
before that, too. It's hard to explain.

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-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
-It wasn't so hard to fit in after all.

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What is that?

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(BEES BUZZING)

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No.

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-(GASPS) Is this really happening?
-Yes, my love.

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(MUSIC PLAYING)

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WandaVision

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WandaVision

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We got something cooking

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And it's looking good

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We've got something cooking

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And who knew we could

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All great expectations
Lead to complications

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But it's groovy and fun

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It's me and it's you

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Together, one plus one

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Is more than two

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WandaVision

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WandaVision

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Some sudden surprises

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Come in all shapes and sizes

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But it's rainbows and sun

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It's you and it's me

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Together, one plus one is family

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WandaVision

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Hmm.

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Hmm.

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-Yep! Definitely pregnant.
-(WANDA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

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Well, that much we figured.

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It's just kinda taken us by surprise.

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It's just kinda suddenly.
Quite suddenly, wasn't it?

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I mean, practically overnight.
I mean... (HESITATES) How did this happen?

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You see, when a man and a woman

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love each other very much...

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Well, we're just tickled pink, or blue.

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You're at about four months now.
Is that right?

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I thought as much.

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We let the little ladies keep tabs
on their growing babies with fruit.

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Makes it simple for them.

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At four months,
the fetus is about as big as a pear.

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At five months, a papaya. Six, grapefruit.

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-Seven, pineapple. Eight, honeydew.
-(WANDA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

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Hypothetically speaking,

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what size fruit would it be
at, say, hmm, 12 hours?

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Uh, pardon? 12 hours?

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Well, I think this line of questioning
is fruitless. (CHUCKLES)

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Well, hypothetically speaking,
should we be concerned?

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Hypothetically speaking,
every new father-to-be gets nervous.

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Well, I have nerves of steel,
so there goes your theory, Mr. Doctor...

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Vision, why don't you see the doctor out?

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Good idea. Yes.

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Thank you so much
for dropping by, Dr. Nielson.

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Well, I'm just glad you caught me in time.

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I'm taking the wife
on vacation this afternoon.

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Oh! Have a nice holiday! Hey, Herb!

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Hey, buddy!

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Listen, you can keep
the news of Wanda's... (MUMBLES)

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You know, just between us because, uh,

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I don't know,
everything's happening so quickly.

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We'd like to keep the news
just in the family for right now.

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Of course. Mum's the word.

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(CHUCKLES)

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I'm off. Bermuda, baby!

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Yes.

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(MACHINERY WHIRRING)

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Hey, Herb!

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Think you might've
taken the hedge-trimming

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a little too far there, old chum.

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So, I have.

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Thanks, buddy.

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Yeah. Don't mention it.

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Huh.

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Strangest thing
just happened outside with...

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Whoa, Nelly!
Have you gotten bigger?

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Have I? I can't tell from this angle.

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I can't wait... (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
...to be a proud papaya.

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"Nesting, the overwhelming
urge during pregnancy to clean,

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"organize, and prepare
the home for the new baby."

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See? You're an expert already.
We've got nothing to worry about.

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Nothing to worry about
outside of morning sickness,

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mood swings, aching back and...

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Feet. Darling,
you should probably sit down.

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Don't be silly. All I feel is excitement,
happiness, and... (GASPS) Oh!

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Kicking? Already?

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-Wow!
-Oh, it's such a strange sensation.

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It's kind of fluttery. (GIGGLES)

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(GASPS) Oh, did I do that?
I didn't mean to.

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-Oh. Uh, darling.
-Oh.

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-Hello, little fella.
-(CHUCKLES)

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Well, if that was the first kick,

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that puts you at about six months!

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Boy, oh, boy, I thought I had super speed.

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I can't keep up.
Please don't misinterpret.

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I can't wait to meet you, little Billy.
(KISSES)

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-Billy?
-Yeah.

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Well, I was thinking Tommy.

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Just a nice, classic, all-American name.

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Hmm, Tommy. Hmm, yeah. Yeah.
Then there's Billy, isn't there?

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Named after William Shakespeare.

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"All the world's a stage.
All the men and women, merely players."

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Well, I guess there's only
one solution to this debate.

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Hope for a girl.

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-(GIGGLES)
-Well, we ought to decide soon.

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I estimate the baby's due...

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It's not a constant progression,
assumingly logarithmic,

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but were I to graph
the fetal development thus far...

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He's gonna be here
before you figure it out.

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-Nearest I can conclude is that Billy...
-Tommy.

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Hmm.

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...is due Friday afternoon.

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In three days?

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(GASPS) Maybe I should sit down.

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I think we have an understanding.

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Start the clock.

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Time.

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-Your personal best.
-Yes!

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We are nothing if not prepared.

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Oh!

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-Darling?
-Ooh!

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Do any of your books talk about this?

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It's not painful, but it's strange.

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-A tightening sensation?
-Yep, that's it.

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Yes. Where was it, where was it?

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"Braxton Hicks contractions,
also known as false labor,

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"usually starts in the third trimester.

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"Named after John Braxton Hicks in 1875."

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Honey.

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Sorry. Yes. Yes. Ooh! Excellent!

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Gives us a chance
to work on our breathing exercises.

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It should go like this.

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(BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY)

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Yeah, it's not working.
I can still feel it.

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I'm sorry.

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-(GROANS)
-(FAUCET STARTS RUNNING)

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(SCREAMS)

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-What the... What the Dickens?
-What's happening now?

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-Let's abandon the kitchen.
-(SCREAMING)

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(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

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It stopped.

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Yes.

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I'll go check on the neighbors.

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Yes.

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Phil?

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Do these earrings make me look fat?

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Oh, thank God.

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It appears that the whole block is out.

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Oh, and that was just a fake contraction.

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Who knows what will happen
when the real thing starts.

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Do you think they know it's my fault?

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Our neighbors?

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Well, yes, with all the close calls
we've been having,

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it seems the people of Westview are always
on the verge of discovering our secret.

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Yes, I know what you mean.

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But it's more than that, isn't it?

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Mr. and Mrs. Hart, dinner.

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Outside with Herb.

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I think something's wrong here, Wanda.

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Yes, I know what you mean.

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The truth is, we are in unchartered waters

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and you know what?

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I'm anxious, too.

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We just don't know what to expect.

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Nope.

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Will the baby be human or Synthezoid?

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A bit of both?

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If he's anything like his ma,
Billy will be perfect.

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You mean Tommy.

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-Mmm...
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

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-(GASPS)
-Oh, no, darling, are you all right?

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-This is a real one!
-What?

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I thought you said Friday afternoon!

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Well, I didn't consider that the timings

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between developmental benchmarks
could be quite random!

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-(WHIMPERS)
-(BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY)

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(BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY)

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(BOTH SIGH)

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Better.

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Yes, darling, thank you, it's passing.

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(THUNDER RUMBLES)

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(RAIN FALLING)

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Vis...

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Yes, dear?

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I think my water just broke.

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Yes, dear.

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(GASPS)

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No, no, no, no, no!

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-Sorry, Mom.
-Oh.

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(BLENDER WHIRRING)

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MAN: Do you need a break?

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You read my mind.

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MAN: Come with me.

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Escape to a world all your own,

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where your problems float away.

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When you wanna get away,
but you don't wanna go anywhere.

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Hydra Soak, find the goddess within.

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Well, I was just reading about
the advantages of water birth.

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(SIGHS)

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Oh, thank goodness.

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-(GROANING)
-Let me help you up, dear. There you go.

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What a mess.

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(WIND BLOWING)

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-(GRUNTS)
-Oh, that's better.

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(GASPS AND GROANS)

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Darling, do you think it's time to...

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-Call the doctor?
-Yeah. (GROANS)

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Yes, I do, dear.

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-(GROANS)
-Damn, the phones are down, too.

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I better run.

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Except, he might
have already left for vacation.

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Where? At a time like this?

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Well, in fairness, darling, the baby
is approximately nine months early.

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I better leg it.

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-You'll be all right here?
-Hmm.

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(KISSES)

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Okay.

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(GASPS)

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(BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY)

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-(GASPS)
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)

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-(DOORBELL RINGS)
-(GASPS)

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Oh, shoot.

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Uh... Oh!

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Wanda, what's up?

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It's 75 degrees out.

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You're making a fashion statement?

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Hi, Geraldine.
You know, now is not really a good time.

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No, no, no, it's foxy.

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You'll have to let me borrow it sometime.

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But first, I gotta borrow a bucket.

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Not to wear, to use.

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Somehow, all the pipes in my ceiling

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burst at once and I gotta bail myself out.

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All right, sure.

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Just stay right there.

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I think I might have
a bucket in the kitchen.

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Okay, then.

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I think it's just here
under the sink! (SCREAMS)

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(GASPS)

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Are you all right in there?

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Yes, I am just looking.

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(GROANS)

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Oh!

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GERALDINE: I'll come help.

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No! I mean, no thank you.

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Bingo.

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Would you look at that?

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What?

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Fruit. Wanda! Thank you.

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Yummy.

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Well, good luck with the leak.

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Oh, that... Oh! Say, Wanda,
I've got a question for you.

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You know how I've been
working that temp job, right?

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Well, my boss, Mr. Haddox,
he was going crazy yesterday...

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Oh, look at me going on and on
like you got all the time in the world.

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-Let me go on and get out...
-(LOUDLY) Wait. No.

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-Tell me about the temp job.
-Oh, that's my girl.

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So, yesterday my boss, Mr. Haddox,

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was going crazy working on the slogan
for a new breakfast cereal.

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You know, the one
with the little marshmallow Moonmen?

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-Oh.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, those.

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So, it's 10 minutes
before the big presentation,

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and Mr. Haddox has got nothin'.

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Nothin', that is, except
the worst case of hiccups I ever did see.

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(CHUCKLING) Oh, Wanda.
He couldn't get out one word,

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-let alone a whole pitch.
-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

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GERALDINE: So I'm tryin' every trick
in the book to help this poor man.

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I'm hidin' behind filing cabinets

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and jumpin' out
when he least expects it, like, boom!

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-(BOTH SCREAM)
-(STORK SQUAWKS)

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-Wanda.
-(STORK CLACKING)

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What was that?

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-Did you hear that?
-No.

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It was like a chattering sound, like...

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Oh! Like a...

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(MIMICKING ICE MAKER)

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Yeah.

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That's my new ice maker
built right into the fridge.

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-Oh!
-(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

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You're fancy. (GIGGLES)
So now, at this point,

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I am helping Mr. Haddox
do a handstand under the water cooler...

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-(BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY)
-...because, you know, why not try

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a little upside down,
drink those hiccups away.

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And wouldn't you know it,
in that moment, in walks the client.

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Oh, no.

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Oh, yes. Oh, yes. But you know me, Wanda,

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I keeps my cool,
no matter what's goin' down.

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I look at the client,

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and I look at Mr. Haddox's feet
floating in the air next to me,

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and I look back at the client, and I say,

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"Gravity Os, launch into your day,
the right way."

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(GERALDINE LAUGHS)

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(CHUCKLING SOFTLY) Thank you.

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Yes, and that's exactly
what Mr. Haddox said

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right before he told me
to clean out my desk.

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(GASPS) Oh, no, Geraldine.

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He didn't fire you.

15:53.370 --> 15:54.788
Oh, sugar.

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He hired me.

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Oh!

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-Oh, Wanda! I landed a promotion.
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)

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And now that I've gone all corporate,
I need some office supplies.

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Which brings me to my question.

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Do y'all still keep
those in your spare room?

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Because I was hoping you wouldn't mind

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-sharing with your good friend.
-WANDA: Wait. Wait.

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Is that what I think it is?

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Oh, a stork, yes, I can explain.
(GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)

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No! The crib.

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(GRUNTS AND BREATHES HEAVILY)

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It's coming. Oh. The baby's coming.

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You're pregnant?

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(GROANS) Ow.

16:31.658 --> 16:34.286
Bermuda awaits and my car

16:34.369 --> 16:37.789
decides to poop out right at this moment.

16:39.499 --> 16:42.961
Whoa. Mr. Vision?
What, is everything okay with the wife?

16:43.045 --> 16:45.380
Yes. So long as we hurry.

16:48.717 --> 16:50.135
But, Stan!

16:50.219 --> 16:53.138
What about my brand-new two-piece?

16:53.222 --> 16:54.223
Okay, Wanda.

16:54.348 --> 16:56.517
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
-Now, let's get you comfortable. Okay?

16:56.600 --> 16:58.727
(GROANS) I think I'm gonna
lay down right here.

16:58.852 --> 17:00.854
-Okay.
-Vision ran to get the doctor.

17:00.938 --> 17:01.980
He'll be back soon.

17:02.064 --> 17:03.857
No, no, there's not enough time for that.

17:03.941 --> 17:05.484
-Relax. Relax.
-(GROANS)

17:06.610 --> 17:09.029
-You know your breathing, right?
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)

17:09.112 --> 17:10.447
Wanda, I can't hear you.

17:10.531 --> 17:11.532
(GROANING)

17:15.160 --> 17:16.161
(GASPS)

17:18.747 --> 17:20.582
I may be late to the party,

17:20.666 --> 17:23.085
but I imagine there is
a logical explanation for this.

17:23.168 --> 17:25.379
It's all perfectly natural! (SCREAMS)

17:25.462 --> 17:27.256
-Hey, you're doing great.
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)

17:27.339 --> 17:29.174
You're doing great.
Look at me. Look at me.

17:29.258 --> 17:30.884
-(BOTH BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY)
-Come on.

17:32.636 --> 17:33.846
(WHISPERS) I can't do this.

17:33.929 --> 17:35.013
Yes, you can.

17:35.097 --> 17:36.723
(WHIMPERING) I can't. I can't.

17:36.849 --> 17:38.016
You can do this.

17:38.100 --> 17:40.811
Yes, you can. You can do this.

17:42.396 --> 17:44.022
-It's time to start pushing.
-Oh.

17:44.106 --> 17:46.149
You ready? You're ready. You're ready.

17:46.233 --> 17:49.403
Push. Push, Wanda. Push!

17:49.486 --> 17:50.487
(SCREAMS)

17:51.446 --> 17:53.198
Push! That a girl.

17:53.282 --> 17:54.324
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

17:54.408 --> 17:55.409
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

17:58.912 --> 18:00.247
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

18:01.206 --> 18:02.457
(PANTING)

18:03.250 --> 18:04.251
(BABY CRYING)

18:06.128 --> 18:07.421
It's a boy.

18:08.130 --> 18:09.131
(SIGHS)

18:09.590 --> 18:10.591
(LAUGHS)

18:11.633 --> 18:12.634
(BABY COOS)

18:14.052 --> 18:15.345
Hi.

18:15.929 --> 18:17.055
Hi.

18:18.223 --> 18:19.349
Oh, he's perfect.

18:19.433 --> 18:20.434
(DOOR OPENS)

18:20.893 --> 18:22.102
-(VISION GRUNTS)
-(BABY COOING)

18:23.437 --> 18:24.938
Oh, no. I missed it.

18:29.860 --> 18:34.031
Hey, Doc, why don't you help me out
in the kitchen there?

18:34.114 --> 18:37.701
We went so fast,
it was like we were flying.

18:40.579 --> 18:41.872
Well done, Wanda.

18:47.377 --> 18:49.963
Well, don't you wanna
meet your son as yourself?

18:50.047 --> 18:51.048
(BABY COOING)

18:59.056 --> 19:01.808
Ooh. You're strong.

19:02.809 --> 19:05.103
Hello there, little Tommy.

19:08.690 --> 19:09.858
Tommy?

19:11.944 --> 19:13.070
Yes, Tommy.

19:15.447 --> 19:17.491
(BOTH SCREAMING)

19:18.283 --> 19:19.451
-What?
-(GROANS)

19:19.535 --> 19:20.577
Good heavens!

19:21.119 --> 19:22.371
(SCREAMS)

19:23.080 --> 19:24.248
There's another baby coming.

19:24.331 --> 19:25.582
Billy?

19:25.666 --> 19:28.168
-(BREATHING HEAVILY)
-Wanda, push! Push!

19:28.252 --> 19:29.253
(SCREAMS)

19:34.258 --> 19:37.302
Twenty fingers and 20 toes.

19:37.386 --> 19:41.139
You've got two healthy baby boys
on your hands.

19:41.265 --> 19:42.474
-Thank you, Doctor.
-Yeah.

19:42.558 --> 19:43.892
All in a day's work.

19:44.017 --> 19:47.771
And thank you
for your assistance, young lady.

19:47.855 --> 19:50.774
I think you might have
what it takes to be a nurse.

19:52.234 --> 19:54.152
VISION: Allow me to walk you out, Doctor.

19:54.236 --> 19:59.241
Oh, all right. As long as
we actually walk this time.

19:59.324 --> 20:00.534
VISION: Come.

20:03.328 --> 20:07.916
-(SIGHS) I do owe you a debt of gratitude.
-(CHUCKLES)

20:08.000 --> 20:09.877
Well, Dr. Nielson,

20:10.836 --> 20:12.921
I hope you're still
able to make your trip.

20:13.005 --> 20:14.965
Ah, yes, my trip.

20:15.632 --> 20:18.427
I don't think we'll get away after all.

20:18.552 --> 20:22.014
Small towns, you know. So hard to...

20:23.473 --> 20:24.474
Escape.

20:29.855 --> 20:30.898
Yeah.

20:32.274 --> 20:33.901
AGNES: (WHISPERS)
What is she doing in there?

20:33.984 --> 20:34.985
-I don't know.
-Howdy!

20:35.068 --> 20:36.069
HERB: Hey!
AGNES: Howdy!

20:37.362 --> 20:38.906
Did you see her go inside?

20:38.989 --> 20:40.449
HERB: (WHISPERS) She went right in.

20:40.949 --> 20:43.410
AGNES: (WHISPERS) And her tummy was...
Did Geraldine...

20:43.493 --> 20:45.579
Remarkable day we're having, no?

20:45.662 --> 20:48.123
-AGNES: (WHISPERS) That's fine.
-Did you lose power, too?

20:48.207 --> 20:49.666
Oh, sure did.

20:49.750 --> 20:52.419
But Ralph looks better in the dark,
so I'm not complaining.

20:52.503 --> 20:53.504
(VISION AND AGNES CHUCKLE)

20:53.587 --> 20:54.588
Hi, Herb.

20:55.255 --> 20:56.340
Hey, buddy.

20:58.133 --> 20:59.635
AGNES: (SIGHS) Okay.

20:59.843 --> 21:02.179
Well, I'll get back to Wanda.

21:03.472 --> 21:04.515
AGNES: Vision.

21:06.850 --> 21:09.394
Is Geraldine inside with Wanda?

21:10.979 --> 21:12.105
Yes. Why?

21:12.189 --> 21:13.607
GERALDINE: You're such a strong lady.

21:13.690 --> 21:14.691
Oh.

21:15.609 --> 21:19.363
-Can you believe it? Twins!
-(CHUCKLES)

21:19.446 --> 21:21.823
-(BABIES COOING)
-Hi. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

21:24.701 --> 21:25.786
I'm a twin.

21:25.869 --> 21:26.870
(BABIES COOING)

21:28.372 --> 21:29.706
I had a brother.

21:31.750 --> 21:33.794
His name was Pietro.

21:35.587 --> 21:36.588
(BABIES COOING)

21:39.091 --> 21:41.176
(SINGING IN SOKOVIAN)

22:03.323 --> 22:07.744
He was killed by Ultron, wasn't he?

22:12.291 --> 22:13.625
What did you say?

22:13.709 --> 22:15.794
HERB: She's new to town. Brand-new.

22:16.545 --> 22:18.172
There's no family.

22:19.798 --> 22:20.841
No husband.

22:20.924 --> 22:22.759
Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

22:22.843 --> 22:23.844
Hmm.

22:26.847 --> 22:28.223
No home.

22:30.142 --> 22:31.143
What?

22:35.814 --> 22:39.318
What did you say just now?

22:41.862 --> 22:45.407
I said, Wanda,

22:46.658 --> 22:48.368
you're such a strong lady.

22:48.452 --> 22:51.496
Should I say it one more time
for good measure?

22:51.580 --> 22:52.664
No.

22:55.042 --> 22:57.085
What did you say about Pietro?

22:57.669 --> 22:58.712
Pietro?

23:01.340 --> 23:02.341
Uh...

23:03.926 --> 23:06.053
Hey, I'll take a shift rocking the babies.

23:06.136 --> 23:07.429
No, I think you should leave.

23:07.513 --> 23:09.348
Oh, Wanda, don't be like that.

23:11.892 --> 23:13.602
What do you mean, she has no home?

23:14.353 --> 23:16.230
She came here because...

23:18.315 --> 23:19.858
She came here because...

23:19.942 --> 23:20.943
(SIGHS)

23:23.195 --> 23:24.655
She came here because we're all...

23:25.405 --> 23:27.032
She came here because we're all what?

23:27.115 --> 23:28.408
What're you trying to tell me?

23:28.492 --> 23:30.494
-WANDA: What is that?
-What?

23:30.577 --> 23:31.828
WANDA: That.

23:35.332 --> 23:36.959
That symbol.

23:38.794 --> 23:40.587
I, uh... I...

23:40.671 --> 23:42.422
Who are you?

23:42.506 --> 23:43.924
(BABIES CRYING)

23:44.007 --> 23:45.300
I don't...

23:45.384 --> 23:46.844
She came here because we're all...

23:46.927 --> 23:48.011
Stop it!

23:50.681 --> 23:52.558
Who are you?

23:54.810 --> 23:56.228
Wanda...

23:56.311 --> 23:57.312
(BABIES COOING)

23:59.022 --> 24:00.107
I... (BREATH TREMBLING)

24:02.734 --> 24:03.819
I...

24:04.528 --> 24:05.779
Wanda.

24:09.074 --> 24:11.118
Well, I better get going.

24:12.286 --> 24:14.580
That macramé's not gonna hitch itself.

24:14.663 --> 24:16.206
-(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
-(CHUCKLES)

24:19.793 --> 24:20.836
Herb?

24:21.628 --> 24:22.629
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

24:24.339 --> 24:26.133
Catch you on the flip side, Vision.

24:34.850 --> 24:35.976
Wanda?

24:37.853 --> 24:38.854
(BABIES COOING)

24:40.063 --> 24:41.315
Where's Geraldine?

24:42.649 --> 24:46.361
Oh, she left, honey. She had to rush home.

24:46.445 --> 24:47.446
(BABIES COOING)

24:51.617 --> 24:52.618
Hmm.

25:06.089 --> 25:07.090
(ELECTRICITY BUZZING)

25:07.591 --> 25:08.675
(GERALDINE SCREAMING)

25:15.641 --> 25:16.642
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

25:22.439 --> 25:24.107
(MUSIC PLAYING)